Today I am 5 weeks and 1 day.
It was at 5 weeks pregnant with my last pregnancy that I was first admitted to hospital so I am just in a state of waiting to be knocked sideways by it, all the time hoping that it won't be that bad this time.
The Cyclizine, at least I think it is the Cyclizine, is making me feel extremely dizzy and lightheaded all the time. I permanently feel like I have had about 3 glasses of wine, fuzzy and slightly out of control of my actions.
It was my husband's birthday at the weekend, so we managed to go out with some friends and family and celebrate. We also began to tell a few select people, as last time the way we told people was by Martin telling people I was very ill in hospital because I was pregnant. Not a particularly nice thing to have to do. So although we know it is very early to be telling people, 1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, I want to tell people whilst I am upright and can pass on the news in a positive happy way, not from a hospital bed!
Most people we have told have been very pleased for us, but no one really can fully appreciate the apprehension of facing another HG pregnancy. The conversations about thinking positive and second pregnancies being much easier are hard to face when you know people are being well meaning but simply do not comprehend what HG is. So, you just have to smile and thank them for their good wishes, deep down hoping that they really are right.
The reocurrence rate for HG is 80% and in subsequent pregnancies the symptoms are often worse.....
Pregnancy is a miracle and some people believe it is a woman's right to be a mother and have a child. All I know is that pregnancy and birth is a hard task for every woman, and raising a child is the most rewarding demanding task a woman will ever undertake.
The other thing that really has started to make me think is the keeping it a secret until week 12 issue. Now I know it is that if miscarriage occurs you don't have to then tell everyone you had a miscarriage. However, the first 12 weeks of a foetus's development are the most crucial. The brain, heart, lungs etc all are created within this time so surely this is the time every woman should be most loved, looked after and protected? Not made to go to work, hiding pregnancy symptoms, fighting tiredness and sickness and having to pretend everything is ok, to protect what exactly?
I feel more should be made of these first few precious important weeks of pregnancy, more support should be provided to women, time off work etc and a common appreciation and understanding of what is happening inside and how it should be nurtured - not made to be hidden away like some dirty shameful secret.
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